I have a few “Holy Crap!” chronicles. I was lying in bed last night thinking about moments in my life when I wished the world would swallow me up whole, there and then with a gulp and a burp to boot. You live and learn. Here are a couple…
When I was thirteen I had a huge crush on a boy named Nigel. He was tall, dark and handsome. I think the term way back then was ‘Spunky’. He was about 3 years older than me and he was like, soooooo sophisticated, like. I used to find out where he was at lunch times and mill around in the background with my girlfriends and we would be like “OMG! He is looking at you!” “He is? OMG! What does my hair look like? Oh MY GAW-WA-DUH!” (I eye roll at the mere memory)
The day came when the entire school had to run the cross-country and on the home straight there were hurdles. Not the flimsy little hurdles you see on the Olympics, these were more like a series of gymnastics beams. You could sit on them. So my friend and I who were running together spied Nigel from the other side of the field who was supervising one of the hurdles.
I panted in horror to my girlfriend “OMG! OMG! There’s Nigel! I can’t jump the hurdle with HIM watching! What if I trip? What should I do? OH MY GAW-WA-DUH!”
She said “Just Do It! You’ll be OK. He will think you are cool if you DO jump it.”
So we rounded the bend. My blood was pumping. My face was beet red. I was gasping for air. 50 metres to go… My usually coiffed fringe was stuck to my forehead in a matted, sweaty mess. 20 metres… Decision time. I saw him turn towards us. I was about 3 metres in front of her. I was winning. That would look good. As I approached the hurdle I processed the situation. I looked like crap but I needed all the help I could get. I was in front. I would be further in front if I jumped the hurdle. Yeah. Go ME! The rest happened in slow motion. I sprang into the air… Oh yeah! Feeling good… My right leg cleared the hurdle… YEAH! I was looking GOOD! My left leg cleared the hurdle… OH YEAH, Baby!!!!...... but my shoe didn’t. The resulting motion was me falling face first into the mud at the base of the hurdle just in time to see my girlfriend jump ONTO the hurdle, swing her legs over and LAND very gracefully on the other side of the same mud bath that contained her best friend.
Lesson #1 - Get over yourself.
About a year later, Nigel and I broke up. I don’t even think he realised we were betrothed but he didn’t seem to be worried about breaking up with me. Besides, I had other fish to fry.
A couple of years later and I was into Darren. I no longer giggled foolishly with my girlfriends because HEY! I was so sophisticated at sixteen. I was practically talking to boys by then.
On this particular day I was getting over a head cold. My voice was husky so I sounded sexy albeit a tad nasally. So I decided to go and talk to Darren and show him how fabulous I was with my voice. He was sitting on a desk with his feet on a chair so I flicked my hair and sashayed across the classroom to begin a conversation. God! I had it going on...
OMG but he was gorgeous! He looked like Jon Stevens from Noiseworks. He looked so spunky in his maroon school jumper and he was looking at me like he thought I was amazing too. Yeah ME! Then he said something truly flattering! I was so lost for words that I responded with a kind of “Hhhhhmmmm!” and with that the entire contents of my left nostril landed on my top lip.
Lesson #2 - Get over yourself.
LOL - you poor thing - so are you over yourself - LOL :) Argh - the things your *young girlfriend* are yet to go through :) Good Luck *P*.
Posted by: KatherineB | 17 November 2008 at 08:10 PM
lol Lynette.
Thanks for the giggle. Have only just found your blog but you make me laugh.
thanks :)
Posted by: amanda | 17 November 2008 at 10:25 PM
Hehehe, girlie, you always get me chortling! The unfortunate thing is that you've prompted my subconscious to think about all those similar, repressed memories from my teenage years. Muchos cringing going on here :-)
Posted by: Moira | 17 November 2008 at 11:18 PM
You never cease to make me laugh with your story telling. Hilarious...you must have felt mortified at the time. I have lots of awful memories of gym class (physical ed as they call it now)...I am not athletic at all.
Don't those teenage years have so many awkward moments.
Posted by: Melinda | 18 November 2008 at 12:13 AM
Hmmm wonder where Nigel is now??? I'm sure you are thinking eat your heart out baby. I've come a long way baby. I can jump more hurdles then you can count. I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan while keeping the house clean and the kids in perfect order. I'm a lean mean scrapping machine and I can click my camera like no other. Yeah Kiwi you are more woman then Nigel will ever know. =)
Posted by: Janette | 18 November 2008 at 01:43 AM
lol at Janette.
Nigel probably reads your blog and dreams about what could have been and Darren probably would give his left leg to wipe up your snot now.
Too funny.
Posted by: Kristi Smith | 18 November 2008 at 02:07 AM
you crack me up!!!! love your gift of gab! :)
Posted by: Haggith | 18 November 2008 at 02:23 AM
How mortifying! I can't imagine what would be worse except maybe accidentally farting while you were snotting!
It would be fun to see what those guys look like now!
Posted by: donnapiranha | 18 November 2008 at 07:58 AM
Hey...I posted a comment. Hmmm wonder where it went!
I just Googled Jon Stevens. He's pretty hunky!
Posted by: donnapiranha | 18 November 2008 at 08:02 AM
Love the new look of your blog! =) Kissy, kissy!
Posted by: Janette | 19 November 2008 at 01:28 PM
you are going to write a book one day and I am going to say "i remember when ...'
you are one funny girl!!
Posted by: Leanne Stamatellos | 20 November 2008 at 09:41 PM